i hate myself
In the morning, when i look in the mirror, I see the image of the person that i hate beyond words. My feelings towards her are imcomprehensionable and it is beyond my ability to be even able to describe a minute part of it.I hate her. Why doe s she go around everyday acting the way she does. Why does she go around being a bitch and an ass, doing things that she doesn't mean to, but she still does. She knows she doesn't mean the things that she says or does, but she still goes ahead and does them anyway.
Why
I can't understand it. Maybe she thinks she's important, or she just wants to make an impression. Well, i want to let her know that its a FREAKING wrong impression that she's giving. Does being remembered and regconized by people so important to her?
Yes
Why can't she do it in another way?
No
She simply doesn't know how.
At night, when i think about her and everything she's done that day, tears are fighting to flow out of my eyes while it is only by sheer will that i hold them back. She's done nothing meaningful, all she has accomplished is by making a even bigger fool of herself
But now, i don't know if i should hate her or feel sorry for her.
She wants people to know her, to love her, but instead, she is achieving results that are completely opposite of what was intended. Maybe she didn't mean it, maybe it all just happened too fast.
Maybe.
All I want is to make them proud. But i just can't. I try so hard, but nothing good comes out of it. Why do some people have everything i want so easily. People love them, they are accepted, good grades, great records, they don't even have to try!
Everytime, you tell me that its ok, you don't really care for those kind of prestige, but i know you always hope for me to have them, for me to BE them. I can see it in your eyes. You were so proud of Jerome, while i am always left in the background, hoping that one day, somebody will be able to see me, remember me and really mean it when they tell me they love me.
posted by Jame @ 4:10 PM
6 Comments:
heyy jaime dear..
thanks for choking me today when u gave me that extra-tight huggie.. muchly appreciated one as well :D
anyway.. u noe what.. we do love u. so dun hate urself. though i kinda hate myself too sometimes.. but i noe that at the bottom of my heart i still am perfectly at peace with myself... and.. i love TIffany. =) love me and love urself too ;)
btw, link me?!
http://espoir.diary-x.com
-Tiffany
i think i understand what u mean.. and WELL. i think the whole sadness thing is rubbing off everybody. >_< blahh.. i'm even worse.. if u wanna talk about how i am outside and in.. I hate it. maybe i'm also PRETENTIOUS. go cm's vocab!
jaime my darlingggg!
(ok this is real disturbing because there's three angsty people here! =P)
dearie don't hate yourself... i mean, how could you?! especially since you have a screaming fanclub awaiting you next door. (aka me, elaina and sarah. ok, fine so maybe only i do the screaming, but the other two do the groping and that's good enough.)
you don't have to try anything, cus we all love you just the way you are, man, whatever you do. this blog entry is void cus we all know you and you're not the evil prat you're making yourself out to be...
kick the angst bug out, man! if you spend your time regretting what you think you've done then i think you're REALLY wasting time, girl! (for more information please refer to pccg lesson notes for this week. =P)
no point brooding, you delve deeper into angst and the whole cycle repeats. if you really feel you're that blue just go and uhmmm... do stuff that'll make you love yourself more! (like hugging me, for instance...)don't compare yourself to others cus we all follow different paths... plus, you've got one thing over those people: you appreciate your stuff, man.
so chill! >_< ooh, i sound like a preacher... hmm. well.... -huuuuuuuuuug- if it cheers you up, i'm still convinced you're bu*** and karen has predicted that you'll be a wonderbra model in future! <333333
-janice =)
jaime!!!!!!! -hugs-
-ger
oh.. [feels loved] -hugs all of you-
i'm a very angsty person... >_< all you made my day... -hugs- love you all!!!! ^^
hey jaime..u have no reason to hate urself animore. haha..de whole world loves u!! ^^ yup..and can eat biscuits when u're feeling down yea..coz even de biscuits love u!! haahah..everyone and everything loves u!! =) so smile! good luck for end of years!! letz all jia you together ^^
luv,
junhua =)
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