to be inferior
This world is the 'survial of the fittest' in every aspect of that phrase. So it means that I have to be the best in order to survive right? Only the best can actually be happy and get a real life right?But it seems that no matter how hard I try, i never come close. Aftr repeated happenings, my self confidence has dropped from a zero to a negative.
I just want to feel the satisfaction of knowing that other people actually regard me as someone with talent, someone who can actually play. I don't want to get parts just because i whine a lot and people just chuck them to me in hopes of shutting me up. Sure, I may still get the part, but what use is it? It's not the particular part that i want. I just want to feel like I have talent, that I am actually good.
Lets face it, I'm just insecure, I am unable to live a day of my life without knowing that somebody regards me as talented or some other positive thinkings. I live in fear, every day, every moment of my life that somebody will think me redundant, lousy. I need reassurance.
Reassurance.
But also the truth.
I cannot live knowing that I am average. I hate being average. But
thats what I am.
Everybody tells me to 'accept it.'
But I can't. I just can't. I am unable to live my life knowing that I am just average. Unworthy of anything. Worthy of Nothing. To be unable to shine, unable to be outsanding. And not because I don't try. I try, I really do and I really want it too. But I just can't.
To sit there in the midst of all the stars.
But I am unshining.
Shame
Agony
Envy
Hate
Desperation.
Everybody's eyes just flint pass me. Unworthy. Unknown. Ignored
I am past the point of communication.
I am past the boundary of their sight.
Even though I am just beside them.
posted by Jame @ 9:34 PM
3 Comments:
jaime,
i am here to give u:
1. assurance that i do take notice of you and feel that you are talented and you have a lot of positive attributes such as being understanding and fun to be with.
2. the truth. you are not redundant. without you trio won't be trio and i bet my life won't be as happy. you make people around u happy and want to be with you. isn't that something that shows ur positive qualities?
Why don't you take initiatives instead of wait for other people to notice you? =) sometimes these attempts got to be persistent to take effect.
We all love you jaime.
-caina
dear jaime,
yah...we love you jaime. u are very needed and loved by a lot of pple arnd you. juz tt u dun see it sometimes. some things are not meant to be superficial. but try observing, u will realise we all need you and your tight -hugs- =)
and you are not redundant. i feel the same way as you, very often. i noe itz hard not to compare ourselves to others. try to relax and see that you are actually a lot more fortunate than others already.
you are talented. i'm sure you'll get what you want.
-junhua
tsk. JAIME! no one is redundant! honestly, you DO have talent. you are NOT lousy. there. that's the truth.
i also think that its more important to make a positive difference in the lives of others than anything else. i know you do. dont deny. =D see! who says ur redundant? sometimes we just cannot see how we contribute to something. but actually, we do. in ways bigger than we think.
we all dont want to be average. honestly, you are not average. if you compare with the whole of singapore you are definately near the top. and -ahem- near the top is not average okie. just keep working. your time to shine will definately come. =D
you ARE LOVED. =D =D my life would have been very sadly different without you.
-hugs-
---ger
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