UNPRETTY

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

i have moved.. well sort of anyway. http://livejournal.com/~dyspepticsm >_<

Saturday, January 28, 2006

tagged

was tagged by junhua.
Name five of life's simple pleasures that you like the most, then pick 5 people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not use things that someone else has already used.
1) Having recesses with cm, zing, sam and daph.
2) Not having to wear my hard contacts and still being able to see clearly
3) Lying in the middle of m4-01 with my batchmates, CAINA, JUNHUA AND YINSHAN!! and having a heart-to-heart talk. (yea, so original right? i ripped it off straight from jh)
4) Eating brownies/whatever nice desert my mum makes.
5) Catching up with Eugene once in a while.

Do 5 people actually read my blog to be tagged? >_<

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

The worst part of saying hello is knowing that one day you will have to say goodbye

Throughout our lives, we will always meet new people, make new friends and along the way, forget about those that we met long ago. Do you still remember in Primary Six, when you passed around autograph books and asked everyone to write their contacts down? Do you remember how many "Friends Forever" "Don't forget me!" you wrote on their books or how many you have in yours? In p6 when close friends promised not to drift apart when they scattered to different schools, how many of those promises were kept?

I didn't keep many.

Now, once again I'm confronted with the same circumstances. Even though most of us will be going to to same school, we'll be in different classes and we will drift apart all the same. In these 4 years at Nanyang, I have met many people and made friends with people I thought I never would. But even in the same building, some gaps have widened, and some have narrowed. With some, whenever I meet them in the hallways, I would just smile, embarassed, and give a tiny wave, while remembering the times that we were actually able to hold a heartfelt conversation for more than 20 minutes.

I suppose we all have to make an effort if we want to keep a relationship alive. But how can we if we are to make new friends in order not to live in the past, or to avoid being labelled as afraid of changes? Nothing is for free, just as everything is not eternal.

I don't want to lose all these bonds that I have forged with everyone. I dread the day when the binds that hold us together, that has intertwined our lives together, break and tear apart.

Now I look back and wonder why I was so upset that day when I had to leave Rosyth. I look back, numbed, and forgetting all the intense emotions, the sorrow that I experienced when I had to leave my teachers and my friends. I hate this numbness that I feel, I never ever want to feel it again. I don't want to be graduating from JC and looking back at my secondary school life and wondering who I thought I'd miss or why I'd miss them.

I don't want a happy ending

Because

I don't want it to end

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Flowing

I need help.
I need a friend.
I am bursting from everything that I am witholding inside of me. It just keeps building up and recently, it has reached the point of saturation. I can't take it anymore
The magnitude that my heart is hurting, the rate of flow of my tears, it's not going to stop unless there is an outlet for it. I need that outlet. I need to talk to someone.
But nobody is willling to listen. They tell me nt to worry, that I should focus on other things at hand, there is nothing I can do about it. Or they are just too caught up in their own lives and I do not want to burden them somemore. Now I wonder why, why do I not have any friends that I can spill all my thoughts to, with no restraint. Why am I surrounded by people everyday, every moment, only to realize that none understand or will ever truly understand me?
I am just so worried, so overwhelmed by everything. They brush my worries aside, saying that everything will work out. How? It won't. It's not. No matter how hard I work or how high a mark I get, it is not going to change anything anymore. Not after I screwed everything up.
Marks. Such 'insignificant' numbers that keep appearing in our lives. Or that's what everyone likes to think. It is not. Not. Not. And never will be. They grade everything, even our atheletic abilities or even our character. I don't understand, can something as complex and as multi-faceted as a person's character be summerized as a double digit? Obviously, these digits are so recognised and so important in a studen'ts life. So how can they say that we are 'more than just our marks?' Because we are not. Without these marks we will never get anywhere. We can't do the things we want and get into our desired places. We can't. No one will let us. No one will let me. I am nothing more than a mere digit.
I don't know. I don't understand anything. I am so confused by everything.
I can't articulate my thoughts in words. I need someone who understands me to help me speak my thoughts aloud and comfort me. I really need it. A brainwashing device would suffice too. Just to erase these feeligns of hoplessness, helplessness and despair.
Where are you

Monday, September 26, 2005

勤能补拙

Do you really believe that hardwork can make up for in-born talent? I don't.
This phrase is just made up for people like me to be comforted. It is a lie to lead us into believing that working diligently and hard can enable us to achieve all that talents can.
I am not condemning hard work, I am just saying that no matter how hard you work, you will never surpass somebody with talent, if you do not posses it. As much as we hate to admit it, our abilities were decided from the moment the sperm fused with the egg, the moment we were complete with our 23 pairs of chromosomes. A person devoid of talent may be able to achieve some sort of results with a lot of work, however, a person with talent can easily surpass him by working just as hard or even less.
Now before you start stoning me and accusing me of succumbing to and fate and all that jazz,
Sometime ago Eugene and I were debating over Naruto. His favourite character is Naruto because he worked so hard to achieve all that he has now, he rose from being a prankster to quite a respectable person of his profession, and apparently it was all due to hard work. While I of course was standing on the other side.
No doubt hard work did play an important part in it, but without his (not really in-born but still something similar) power of the nine tails inside him, he would not be able to be so outstanding would he? It is due to the fact that he has the potential and the capacity that he is able to achieve such results. The training only helped him to nurture this power and train him to control it. Without this 'talent,' he would not so powerful right?
His peers, like Rock Lee for example, his has no natural talent, but he tried to make up for it by training extra extra hard. Did it work? A little. Despite all his efforts, he still lost to Sasuke and the rest who had the natural talent to do well and the natural potential to do better than the rest. Why do you think the "bloodline" stuff in the show is so significant?
I repeat, I am not condemning working hard, nor am I saying that geniuses will naturally be outstanding without the nurturing, I am just stating that in every thing that we do, it requires about 70% of hard work and 30% of talent, a person without talent can only reach the 70%, while a person with talent can
reach that standard with 40% out of the 70% of hard work.

... I wonder why I sound so bitter

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Destiny

No... this is not going to be a cheem post about destiny and the meaning of life but rather GUNDAM SEED DESTINY is coming out in kids central!!!! *is very happy* I've been waiting for it for so long and I was wondering if it would ever come out. When my brother and I saw the commercial for the upcoming show, we screamed and ran al the way downstairs until my parents told us to shut it. Truthfully, I was hoping it would come out on arts central because then it would be in nice fluent Japanese and not choppy American English. Not that i have anything against American English but i hate dubbing! I HATE DUBBING! The sentences just turn out like "are you (pause) alright?" in painfully slow articulation, it makes them sound retarded.
Go watch it! It's a show about war and provides some insights into war. But the storyline of the sequel is quite similar to Gundam Seed, only thing that i feel that the producers are not taking the storyline seriously? I mean, there are randoms deaths of certain characters and weird relationship problems sprouting out, making it more of a romance drama serial compared to the first installment? I don't know, being the supporter of orginal goods(!) that I am *shifty eyes* I have only been reading episode summaries and perhaps the infomation is not too reliable >_<. Well, I'll just have to watch it to see!!! *is very very very happy*

Thursday, September 01, 2005

and it materializes again

So i type an angsty post and a random person comes to comment on it. (no offense.. just scary) Ah well, at least i have one comment! Finally ^^"
Teacher's Day have come and gone, having spent the bulk of the teacher's day celebration stuffed up in a wooden hall full of sweaty people. >_< Gah. THe only thing i hate about teacher's day is that the teachers just seem to take my presents then forget all about me when they see a better student. (so sue me, i've got a terible inferiority complex)
With the final exams approaching at the speed of light (don't say that's wrong! No shit, it measures distance not speed you blockhead! AH shut up) i have crossed over to the insane, if you call talking to yourself, no actually, thinking to yourself in your free time a symptom of insanity.
Well, my parents have decided they have bad enough of me and have decided to ship me off to my tuition teacher's house to stay for 5 days during the holidays, so that i can eat, drink, speak, sleep in chinese and hopefully pull up my chinese marks.
My tuition teacher seems convinced that i'm giong to get an A2 no matter what i tell her. I'm trying to convince her that i'm going to fail and therefore she should hurry up and teach me stuff. But NOOOOO she still says i am going to get an A2 AT LEAST. Somebody shoot me.
ARGH. I was reading the previous line and realized that it sounded like the mask, "Somebody Stop Meh."
LALALALALALALA
Oh dear. I'm going INSANE.
I'd better stop before I reveal any embarassing details about myself like -pause-
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?!
CAH!