i hate myself
In the morning, when i look in the mirror, I see the image of the person that i hate beyond words. My feelings towards her are imcomprehensionable and it is beyond my ability to be even able to describe a minute part of it.I hate her. Why doe s she go around everyday acting the way she does. Why does she go around being a bitch and an ass, doing things that she doesn't mean to, but she still does. She knows she doesn't mean the things that she says or does, but she still goes ahead and does them anyway.
Why
I can't understand it. Maybe she thinks she's important, or she just wants to make an impression. Well, i want to let her know that its a FREAKING wrong impression that she's giving. Does being remembered and regconized by people so important to her?
Yes
Why can't she do it in another way?
No
She simply doesn't know how.
At night, when i think about her and everything she's done that day, tears are fighting to flow out of my eyes while it is only by sheer will that i hold them back. She's done nothing meaningful, all she has accomplished is by making a even bigger fool of herself
But now, i don't know if i should hate her or feel sorry for her.
She wants people to know her, to love her, but instead, she is achieving results that are completely opposite of what was intended. Maybe she didn't mean it, maybe it all just happened too fast.
Maybe.
All I want is to make them proud. But i just can't. I try so hard, but nothing good comes out of it. Why do some people have everything i want so easily. People love them, they are accepted, good grades, great records, they don't even have to try!
Everytime, you tell me that its ok, you don't really care for those kind of prestige, but i know you always hope for me to have them, for me to BE them. I can see it in your eyes. You were so proud of Jerome, while i am always left in the background, hoping that one day, somebody will be able to see me, remember me and really mean it when they tell me they love me.
posted by Jame @ 4:10 PM
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